Strength: My Misconceptions

I have recently realized that I had some misconceptions concerning strength.

According to my friend Webster (and yes we are best of friends thanks to my dad but that's another blog post for another time) two of the definitions for this word are:

2:  power to resist force 

3:  power of resisting attack

 

And these two definitions although they may be very true (not trying to call Web a liar or anything) they are where my problems began.

 

Most of my life I thought being strong was the answer (to everything).

 

I thought that if I was strong, bad things wouldn't come my way or at the very least they would be less severe than for weaker (honesty is good for the soul bad for the reputation) people.

 

I thought having strength meant just as these two definitions suggestion that I would be able to resist force and attacks. If I was strong enough I would miss out on the heart ache of life.

 

And when that did not happen I began to doubt the strength I once though I had. I mentally began to take my strength away. The strength didn't actually leave I just began to view myself with less so I acted as if I had less. I no longer thought I had the power to overcome. I felt as if I deserved the lesser portions of life that I was being served by others. I began to look at my strength not as something that would keep my from things but as something that might get me through them if I was lucky.

 

And then one day I realized something (some thing I should have known but didn't really focus too much on), that I was never strong enough and would never be strong enough on my own. That all the strength I though I had was from God and when I forgot that I began to lose sight of the One who was really keeping me from some things and helping me through the others. He was is my strength. He never said that life would be sunshine and roses only. But He did promise that we can do all things through Him. Having this strength does not mean the hurts of life wont come but it does mean that when they do come you don't have to go through them alone.

 

I am a strong woman because I am submitted to a strong God. By myself I can do nothing but with Him I can do more than I ever thought possible.

 

And just a little bit of extra: Just because you are strong doesn't mean you cant break down and cry every once in a while. This is also something I have had to learn over the past couple of years. People would say "O my you're so strong. I don't think I could ever do what you're doing" and I would think "hmm I didn't feel very strong last night when  I cried myself to sleep". Or even two years later when I still find myself crying because I randomly think about how far off my 16 yr old self's "dream path" I am or how lonely I am some days I don't feel very strong in those moments. But I now know that is the beauty of this Strength that I have and try to exhibit. In my weakness He is made Strong. So when I don't have it all together, when I cant get my kids to pick up after themselves, when I feel like it is me against the world or wonder why me, I am in the perfect place for Him to show Himself and what He can do.  So go a head and cry, it's okay. Grab some tissues and get your ugly cry face on. You will feel better afterwards and it will all be ok...eventually. (Maybe it wont be how you wanted it to be or how you thought it would be but it will be ok).

 

This scripture has become one of my favorites in recent years (I am still working on the laughing part):