What's most important?

My daughter has been in the "When I grow I want to be" stage lately and without a doubt she always finishes telling me her grandiose dreams and then continues to ask "Mom what do you want to be when you grow up?". And I usually laugh and say I don't know I am still working on that. Because I am, I am a full time student on top of all the other hats I wear because I am not where I want to be in life yet. But I think somewhere along the way I have lost sight of what is most important.

The most important thing I do with my life will not be walking the stage to receive my bachelors degree, it wont be finally being able to buy a house, It wont be finding my "dream job",or finding that special somebody who sees me and loves me and cherishes me. The most important thing I can do with my life is live whole heartedly for my God and raise my children with ever ounce of love that I have inside of me (I am doing that). Now please don't misunderstand me, I want all of those things I have listed and plan on pursuing them (well except Mr Right, that's something I am leaving up to Him) and will feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when I finally achieve them. But if I have all of those things and have pushed my relationship with God and my kid to the side what have I really gained.

I find myself questioning what I am doing with my life and why I am not somewhere else because surely at this point in my life I should be further along in this area or that area. I find myself wondering what is wrong with me and wondering why I am not good enough. I find myself questioning Gods judgment when he gave me two kids because I surely cannot be the right person for the job. And yes I know that everyone has their moments and struggles' the intellectual side of Alex understands that and gets it. I realize that we all live this thing called life and go through ups and downs and that I cannot look at what I see and think I know everything. I get that but the emotional side of Alex has these moments. I am human so please bear with me through the transparency for a moment.

There are things that other people have that I do not but if I really stop and think about it there are things that I have that other people do not. So I guess I have realized it is all about perspective. I can always feel inadequate and try to fill those voids with other "things". Or I can realize that I am right where I need to be doing exactly what I need to be doing.

Enough is enough. I have been through things that might have destroyed somebody else, but I am still standing. I could be bound by bitterness and hatred even after two years but I have forgiven and moved on. I am a single mom, but I have kids. I can allow myself to be overwhelmed by the day to day things that come with raising two kids or I can go easy on myself and them and remember that somewhere there is somebody who wishes they could have a kid. Perspective.

So the next time my baby girl ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I think I am going to say your mom and I'm loving every minute of it.

I am stressed, messy, semi-unorganized, addicted to Dr Pepper, way too busy, tired, BLESSED. I will continue to love and follow Jesus and try to teach my children to do the same.

XOXO
 

Strength: My Misconceptions

I have recently realized that I had some misconceptions concerning strength.

According to my friend Webster (and yes we are best of friends thanks to my dad but that's another blog post for another time) two of the definitions for this word are:

2:  power to resist force 

3:  power of resisting attack

 

And these two definitions although they may be very true (not trying to call Web a liar or anything) they are where my problems began.

 

Most of my life I thought being strong was the answer (to everything).

 

I thought that if I was strong, bad things wouldn't come my way or at the very least they would be less severe than for weaker (honesty is good for the soul bad for the reputation) people.

 

I thought having strength meant just as these two definitions suggestion that I would be able to resist force and attacks. If I was strong enough I would miss out on the heart ache of life.

 

And when that did not happen I began to doubt the strength I once though I had. I mentally began to take my strength away. The strength didn't actually leave I just began to view myself with less so I acted as if I had less. I no longer thought I had the power to overcome. I felt as if I deserved the lesser portions of life that I was being served by others. I began to look at my strength not as something that would keep my from things but as something that might get me through them if I was lucky.

 

And then one day I realized something (some thing I should have known but didn't really focus too much on), that I was never strong enough and would never be strong enough on my own. That all the strength I though I had was from God and when I forgot that I began to lose sight of the One who was really keeping me from some things and helping me through the others. He was is my strength. He never said that life would be sunshine and roses only. But He did promise that we can do all things through Him. Having this strength does not mean the hurts of life wont come but it does mean that when they do come you don't have to go through them alone.

 

I am a strong woman because I am submitted to a strong God. By myself I can do nothing but with Him I can do more than I ever thought possible.

 

And just a little bit of extra: Just because you are strong doesn't mean you cant break down and cry every once in a while. This is also something I have had to learn over the past couple of years. People would say "O my you're so strong. I don't think I could ever do what you're doing" and I would think "hmm I didn't feel very strong last night when  I cried myself to sleep". Or even two years later when I still find myself crying because I randomly think about how far off my 16 yr old self's "dream path" I am or how lonely I am some days I don't feel very strong in those moments. But I now know that is the beauty of this Strength that I have and try to exhibit. In my weakness He is made Strong. So when I don't have it all together, when I cant get my kids to pick up after themselves, when I feel like it is me against the world or wonder why me, I am in the perfect place for Him to show Himself and what He can do.  So go a head and cry, it's okay. Grab some tissues and get your ugly cry face on. You will feel better afterwards and it will all be ok...eventually. (Maybe it wont be how you wanted it to be or how you thought it would be but it will be ok).

 

This scripture has become one of my favorites in recent years (I am still working on the laughing part):

 

 

 

 

Kids are funny

As we get closer to our departure date I thought I would write down some of the things my kids are concerned about for our trip. My son is nine and a half and my daughter is five and a half (when you're a kid that half matter A LOT! Not so much when you're an adult lol) 

My daughter let me know the other day that was not allowed to put her in boots when we fly. Because the last time I did she wasn't allowed to get "through". (I am pretty sure she made up this memory)

She also wants to make sure grandma and grandpa have plenty of sunscreen. Because if not we have to buy it and take it with us. (I'm pretty sure there is a good supply of sunscreen in Abu Dhabi but I'm so glad she's thinking about her skin health)

My son thinks the weather will be like 200 degrees and that he will melt there. 

I'm sure we will have more concerns and funny moments as the time gets closer and when we start the journey. 

T minus 25 days

This summer the kids and I will be traveling from San Antonio Texas to Abu Dhabi to visit my parents. We are so excited. Well I was until I realized that in 25 days I will be traveling alone with two kids under the age of ten on an 18 hr trip across the world. Last night my anxiety began to kick in. So I spent most of my night on Pinterest looking for traveling tips. (Yes I'm one of those people). While on there I came across this photo that pretty much sums up how I am feeling. 

Please don't let is be THAT family in the plane!!

Stay tuned for more pre trip prep as well as how it all goes next month. 

My Private Island

Do you have kids? I have two, a boy and a girl. My son is nine and a half (I am not really ready to accept that fact and am pretty sure I am too young to have a son that age. But I digress) and  my daughter is five and a half. They are good kids and I love them with every ounce of my being. Now that you know where I am coming from let's dive in.

Maybe you have the best behaving, awesomely mannered, cutest kids and you spend all of your time doing cool crafts and activities with them and baking them delicious treats (all from pinterest) in your perfectly spotless home and if that is you then you will probably not relate to this post at all, not even a little bit. And if that's where you are please comment and let me know how you got there because for me that's a far place from where I reside.

Some days (more often than not lately) I feel like I am living on Parental Failings Island. And not only taking up permanent residence on this desolate island but holding the office of President serving back to back terms unopposed. Now the intellectual and spiritual side of my brain knows this is not true but the irrationally emotional human side believes this to be the truest truth. And once that emotionally cry baby believes something its hard to shake it.

My daughter has been acting up in school and it has been slowly getting worse and worse. I have tried everything my little mom brain can think of but none of it is working. So I have been in an emotional place lately. O sure I can put on my face (a smile and sunglasses fool a lot of people) when I am out and about but when I am home and nobody is around there have been more sob sessions than I care to admit here on this lovely internet blog that nobody will read. So anyways I bring all this up because I wanted to share the advice my dad gave me. It is really brilliant (Yes I may be a little biased about the advice giver but nonetheless) and I thought it should be written down somewhere other than the sticky note I put it on.

"There are two kids: who she wants to be and who she is supposed to be. Discipline makes them align. Breaking the one without wrecking the other was always my goal"

What did I tell ya? Brilliant, right?! My dad is one smart guy and I am incredibly grateful to have been blessed with him. Obviously this quote didn't instantly make everything better actually I still have a good cry again today but it did give me some focus again. And if you happen to be reading this and you feel like one of my constituents on Parental Failings Island don't be too hard on yourself. Chances are you're doing great and your kids will turn out just fine. Breathe. Sit down. Relax. and repeat. (I think I will take my own advice). I am not the perfect mom with perfect kids but everyday I hope we are getting a little better and a little closer to Jesus. And that will make all the difference I think. I hope I can help my children see their potential in God and find ways for them to reach it. Some days will be hard, heck if the past two months are any indication, a lot of days will be hard but I am praying the end will be worth it.

I am sure this will not be my last time visiting my second home on this island but hopefully the stays will get further and further apart and last shorter and shorter amounts of time. And some advice from another pretty wise source lets me know...

This too shall pass.

Slacker Liv

ALEX, you have been so good at posting and I didn't even notice! From now on I will be posting at least once a week. Thank you for the motivation ;) and yes this 3 sentence post counts for this week...jk...maybe

Pep Talk Needed!

Ok I need some advice from those out there who just love to work out and do it on a regular basis, how the heck do you do it?!?!

I lose my mojo after a couple weeks. :(

So post any tips, motivation and success stories to help me and my sisters (because were all trying to get fit and healthy) keep going!!

Since I ended my 30 day paleo challenge and I survived I decided to try another challenge. You've probably seen the calendars with workouts for everyday some where online. Probably on pinterest, that's where I found mine. Side-note: I could (and have) spend HOURS on this site.

Here are the two I decided to do first (I have already found my next ones to try, if I don't get worn out before that):

A squat challenge (today was 150 of those bad boys!)

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/f4/49/cf/f449cf311637eb7f25b18e3126fbc342.jpg

and a crunch challenge (40 today)

http://shrinkingjeans.net/2013/05/30-day-ab-challenge/

I have already seen a little definition try to peek through on my thighs so that's exciting!!

Alright so post any advice you have, links to new challenges or workouts for me to try, whatever your heart desires really!!