Fine
by Me If You Never Leave
Screams were all she could muster. Words haven’t
been able to form in her my since the day he left. Her family opted to stay
behind knowing she’d only be taking her anger out on them. But anger is a step
up from the suffocating emptiness she felt before the realization that he’s
never coming back. Her screams turn into sobs, her anger to pain. As time
passed the sobs turn into something that resembled a moan and her pain to fear;
Fear that she’ll never feel the happiness being with him gave her, fear that no
matter how bright the sun shines it will never bring her the warmth that the
touch of his skin gave her, fear that the emptiness with never cease to be.
I
still remember the first time I saw her. Her smile pierced through the darkness
like the sun at dawn on the eastern horizon. The light from the bon fire
highlighted her flawless skin. She was laughing, at the fool who tripped over
nothing into a group of unsuspecting girls, with one of her friends. As I
observed from afar, trying not to be creepy, I just knew by the end of the
night I had to know her name. As I unsuccessfully thought of ways to start a
conversation with her, one of MY friends called her name: Hayden. He waved her
over and she obliged. She shyly shook her head as he tried handing her a guitar;
she smiled playfully and after some coercion accepted the guitar. The party
continued on but as she began to strum I could look at nothing else and as she
opened her mouth I was mesmerized by the voice of an angel singing Andy
Grammar’s Fine by Me. At that moment I knew I didn’t just want to know her name,
I wanted to know everything about her.
“Why?” It’s the first word she’s uttered since…she
couldn’t even remember had it been days, weeks? Her days have transformed in to
a never ending nightmare where time is irrelevant, if only you could wake
yourself, but she can’t. “Why did he leave me?” the words barely audible slip
from her lips. Feeling every negative emotions surging to the surface, she
turns to leave, to go back to…to what? Their house where everything reminds her
of him, to live the rest of her days in solitude?
“Happy
Anniversary, Hayden” I uncovered her eyes as we approached the front steps to a
quaint beige brick house. She was always talking about how small our apartment
was and after a year of her putting up with it I knew it was the perfect first
anniversary present. Tears welled up in her eyes as she asked “is it ours?” I
couldn’t help but laugh “No, I brought you all the way out here to surprise you
with someone else’s house.” She punched me in the gut as was usual with my
sarcasm. “It’s…” she turned to me with the smile that still makes me catch my
breath “it’s perfect” she finished. She was never one to cry without a reason,
was never at a loss for words, and never gave compliments. So with that simple
response I knew I had just made her the happiest woman on the whole east coast.
She can’t hold down the anger any longer, Whipping
her head back around she begins screaming again only this time words come
flowing out “I said ‘why did you leave me?’” Lowering her voice slightly “you
said ‘you’d always be here to protect the heart I so hesitantly gave you.’ You
said ‘I’ll make you believe in love yet, Hayden.” And that he did. He captured
her heart in a way others could only try. He made her believe in true love and
happily ever afters.
I
fingered the ring in my pocket. It was a nervous habit that developed over the
two months I’ve had it just waiting for the right time. She had been hurt so
many times before I just wanted to make he believe that I’d never be that guy
but THE guy. I wanted to make her believe in love, but more importantly in my
love. “Hayden, I’ve practiced this a billion times in a million different ways;
there was going to be a band, rose pedals, and even a cat named after you but
it just didn’t seem right. So here I am just a man and a ring.” I took the ring
out of my pocket as the realization of what was happening settled in. Her face,
unreadable so I continue “I meant it when I said I’d always be here to protect
the heart you so hesitantly gave me. Will you marry me Hayden Lawrence?” “Do
you remember the night we met? The last thing you said to me before we parted,
for what I thought was going to be forever, you said ‘I’ll make you believe in
love yet’ and that you did Dante Jackson you wormed your way into my heart and
I said all that to say, yes!”
A
suburb couple found after being shot by burglar, one dead the other in critical
condition. Suspect has been apprehended.
Hayden was in the shower when the intruder came
through the down stairs window. Dante was out back taunting Lawrence, the
couple’s cat, with yarn unaware of any ill doings until he heard the gun shot.
There it was again. He ran as fast as he could through the house but came to an
abrupt stop in the foyer when he saw a hooded figure at the top of the stairs
holding a gun. Before Dante could register what was happening he heard a third
shot and felt a sharp pain in his abdomen before everything went black.
***
The oranges, pinks, and purples of sunset began to
paint the sky and he knows his time here is drawing to a close. He kneels, puts
his hand gently on the marble slap that reads:
Hayden
Jackson
May
17 1985-September 27 2012
“It’s
fine by me if you never leave”
“Please don’t
go”
“We
both know I have to go”
“If you go I’ll be all alone”
“You’ve
got family up there right? Tell them I say hi and tell Dante Jr. Daddy loves
him.”
She knows it’s time for him to go and live out the
rest of his days, as she prepares to spend an eternity with her Savior and the
son she miscarried two years earlier. The anger had subsided; there was no
place for that in heaven. All she felt now was peace and love. “Don’t ever
forget me”
I’ll
never forget the beautiful memories we shared, your voice of an angel, or that
smile. Oh God that smile.
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