Homework Help (with 13 Minutes to spare)

I'm taking a creative writing class this semester and this was our first fiction short story...It had to have a man and a woman interacting, a cat, and a burglar. Feel free to make corrections because I think I have great ideas but I the execution is never as great as I imagine it. what ever suggestions y'all have let me know by Tuesday cuz that's when it's due! Please and Thank you!

Fine by Me If You Never Leave

Screams were all she could muster. Words haven’t been able to form in her my since the day he left. Her family opted to stay behind knowing she’d only be taking her anger out on them. But anger is a step up from the suffocating emptiness she felt before the realization that he’s never coming back. Her screams turn into sobs, her anger to pain. As time passed the sobs turn into something that resembled a moan and her pain to fear; Fear that she’ll never feel the happiness being with him gave her, fear that no matter how bright the sun shines it will never bring her the warmth that the touch of his skin gave her, fear that the emptiness with never cease to be.

I still remember the first time I saw her. Her smile pierced through the darkness like the sun at dawn on the eastern horizon. The light from the bon fire highlighted her flawless skin. She was laughing, at the fool who tripped over nothing into a group of unsuspecting girls, with one of her friends. As I observed from afar, trying not to be creepy, I just knew by the end of the night I had to know her name. As I unsuccessfully thought of ways to start a conversation with her, one of MY friends called her name: Hayden. He waved her over and she obliged. She shyly shook her head as he tried handing her a guitar; she smiled playfully and after some coercion accepted the guitar. The party continued on but as she began to strum I could look at nothing else and as she opened her mouth I was mesmerized by the voice of an angel singing Andy Grammar’s Fine by Me. At that moment I knew I didn’t just want to know her name, I wanted to know everything about her.

“Why?” It’s the first word she’s uttered since…she couldn’t even remember had it been days, weeks? Her days have transformed in to a never ending nightmare where time is irrelevant, if only you could wake yourself, but she can’t. “Why did he leave me?” the words barely audible slip from her lips. Feeling every negative emotions surging to the surface, she turns to leave, to go back to…to what? Their house where everything reminds her of him, to live the rest of her days in solitude?

“Happy Anniversary, Hayden” I uncovered her eyes as we approached the front steps to a quaint beige brick house. She was always talking about how small our apartment was and after a year of her putting up with it I knew it was the perfect first anniversary present. Tears welled up in her eyes as she asked “is it ours?” I couldn’t help but laugh “No, I brought you all the way out here to surprise you with someone else’s house.” She punched me in the gut as was usual with my sarcasm. “It’s…” she turned to me with the smile that still makes me catch my breath “it’s perfect” she finished. She was never one to cry without a reason, was never at a loss for words, and never gave compliments. So with that simple response I knew I had just made her the happiest woman on the whole east coast.

She can’t hold down the anger any longer, Whipping her head back around she begins screaming again only this time words come flowing out “I said ‘why did you leave me?’” Lowering her voice slightly “you said ‘you’d always be here to protect the heart I so hesitantly gave you.’ You said ‘I’ll make you believe in love yet, Hayden.” And that he did. He captured her heart in a way others could only try. He made her believe in true love and happily ever afters.

I fingered the ring in my pocket. It was a nervous habit that developed over the two months I’ve had it just waiting for the right time. She had been hurt so many times before I just wanted to make he believe that I’d never be that guy but THE guy. I wanted to make her believe in love, but more importantly in my love. “Hayden, I’ve practiced this a billion times in a million different ways; there was going to be a band, rose pedals, and even a cat named after you but it just didn’t seem right. So here I am just a man and a ring.” I took the ring out of my pocket as the realization of what was happening settled in. Her face, unreadable so I continue “I meant it when I said I’d always be here to protect the heart you so hesitantly gave me. Will you marry me Hayden Lawrence?” “Do you remember the night we met? The last thing you said to me before we parted, for what I thought was going to be forever, you said ‘I’ll make you believe in love yet’ and that you did Dante Jackson you wormed your way into my heart and I said all that to say, yes!”

A suburb couple found after being shot by burglar, one dead the other in critical condition. Suspect has been apprehended.

Hayden was in the shower when the intruder came through the down stairs window. Dante was out back taunting Lawrence, the couple’s cat, with yarn unaware of any ill doings until he heard the gun shot. There it was again. He ran as fast as he could through the house but came to an abrupt stop in the foyer when he saw a hooded figure at the top of the stairs holding a gun. Before Dante could register what was happening he heard a third shot and felt a sharp pain in his abdomen before everything went black.

***

The oranges, pinks, and purples of sunset began to paint the sky and he knows his time here is drawing to a close. He kneels, puts his hand gently on the marble slap that reads:

Hayden Jackson

May 17 1985-September 27 2012

“It’s fine by me if you never leave”

 “Please don’t go”

“We both know I have to go”

“If you go I’ll be all alone”

“You’ve got family up there right? Tell them I say hi and tell Dante Jr. Daddy loves him.”

She knows it’s time for him to go and live out the rest of his days, as she prepares to spend an eternity with her Savior and the son she miscarried two years earlier. The anger had subsided; there was no place for that in heaven. All she felt now was peace and love. “Don’t ever forget me”

I’ll never forget the beautiful memories we shared, your voice of an angel, or that smile. Oh God that smile.